An Idealist's Downward Spiral...into cynicism

As you may or may not have noticed, i am horrible at the whole "titling my blog" concept. I hate blurbs on of any sort, but as i write that i also realize that this is contradictory to the very concept of a blog.

So, i am going to do something that i have never done before in any sort of serious manner - write a mission statement. i recently removed the link to my profile in the sidebar, so this will just have to do.

Why i write this meaningless, not-so-smutty junk
I like reading other people's blogs. Strangers, acquaintances and friends. Friends mostly; i check everyday. I love the voyeuristic feeling of trying to get to know someone through what they write. I know this is a crock of shit. You can never really KNOW someone, and particularly not a stranger through 500 words a day. But, it remains a creative activity on my part to attempt to construct an individual from the words scattered across the page. I always wonder how much my own writing really reflects who i am. when i re-read it myself, i am always astounded at how calm i appear when often i begin writing in a frantic, semi-panicked state. of course, any one who knows me, and as far as i know i only have readers that are friends as i have never submitted myself to any larger blogging group, know that i am usually in a frantic, semi-panicked state. However, as i am unable to multi-task my attention span, the amount of focus blogging requires usually does calm me down. It is incredibly soothing. If you don't blog yourself, i do suggest it.

Okay, enough of that tangent. I was MSNing with a friend earlier this week and described my motives for blogging as "an attempt to dissuade myself from the belief that i might actually be able to write someday" but a lot less well-phrased. I think that is a pretty good sum-up actually. To recap - i blog to reflect on how stupid my freaking out over the days events is and i blog to prove to myself that i am a crappy writer.

So...i invite my readers...all three of you...to do engage in two activities: 1) reflect on whether before i told you this in black and white, the contents of this blog reflect my goals in writing it; 2) reflect in your own blog (if you have one) on why you keep up the activity. I would love some creative brainstorming.

I am very close to sending the link to this monstrosity out to people in my academic world. mostly by making it the signature of my emails. Of course, this step is terrifying. These are people who WRITE, seriously, not in my half-ass way. Who will judge me and don't already love me (or so i hope Lisa, Vero and Lorne love me). I am bracing myself. I need more content. I am working on it.