i like bubble tea, but i don't like tapioca. so, i guess i don't really like bubble tea. i like smoothies.
am in roman empire right now. the professor is doing the most cursory summary of all the imperial rulers ever. what is the point of this?
i spoke to a prof this morning about a paper. five library books and one reference book later...i have a plan for the paper. which is good because there is a proposal due next week with a bibliography.
other than that, i went out for bubble tea with quite a large group.
yesterday i watched the 40 year old Virgin. What is up with that movie having a general rating? i don't think i've ever seen that much frontal nudity before. and the language...it was funny. i liked it, but the rating was very bogus.
i am too tired from my cold to write more. i should, but i won't. i will regret this decision in about ten minutes when i have nothing else to do, but for now i am giving up.

i just tried looking at the sun. stupid. now there is a big black spot in front of my eyes. i wanted to see if it was still outside my window, just not bright enough to be casting a stream into my room - answer to my question is yes. it is nice that at 4:12 the sun is still visible out my window. it is one of the factors that i am looking forward to most on the cruise ship: not spending my days in the dark.
this morning's breakfast with Lisa was a jolly good time. we talked. she nagged me for being on a diet. we talked some more. i ordered a healthy breakfast, which was excellent, and she doesn't eat her potatoes, so i ate those too. i brought about half of my granola wth yougurt, apples and pears home to eaten this afternoon around 2. yummy. we then went shopping. i bought camisoles and a sweatshirt w/ matching scarf for !4$!. Yup. four dollars. i also bought myself a mattress cover, the kind made of egg carton stuff, which caused my Mom to take it from me as soon as i got in the house and tell me she would return it. she then ordered me a new mattress. my parents and i have been having this argument for months now. i finally gave in. of course, i still have like another week of discomfort now when i could be sleeping on a cloud this evening. i might keep the mattress pad and not let her return it. it will fit on my new bed too right?
i just woke up from a nice, hour long nap with the beautiful Booey. i am trying to beat this impending sickness with lots of fluids and napping. he has not given up however and is now curled up in a ball at my feet. what a doll. i will keep you posted on my illness. back to readings. tata for now.

The other night my Dad challenged the use of the word "gluey" to describe the back of a linoleum tile. of course, smart ass that i am, i immediately ran to the good old laptop and looked it up on the OED online. Yes, gluey is a word for those of you that were wondering. other interesting tidbits i discovered while mocking my parents at the kitchen table
(a) supercalifragilisticexpiali'docious is spelt with an apostrophe. and no, it was not invented in Mary Poppins.
(b) book-keeper is spelt with a hyphen. my grandfather has been telling us all for years that it's not spelt bookeeper but bookkeeper - he was half-right.
(c) lunch-time is also spelt with a hyphen.
On another front, i have been looking into a masters in administrative science at the John Molson School of Business as a fall-back plan to Yale, Princeton or Oxford. The stats are supposedly a 100% placement rate before graduation and an average starting salary of $85000. Am i the only person who thinks that sounds too good to be true? My Dad suggested i call them up and ask if i can speak to a graduate about the program. i think i might.
Lastly, asides from the hurt knees and ankles i am apparently coming down with a cold. i am starting to get coughing fits. just dandy.
well, my tea has probably steeped and since i have already managed to be relatively productive today, i figure i should continue on with that trend. particularly considering i am supposed to see Lisa tomorrow and she is maybe going to be lending us the Gilmore Girls Season V. I think i am going to do some readings for Violence and Order from 1300-1500. I have scanned and done word lists for the latin passage i have, i only have to actually translate now, and i finished this week's assignment for Italian Renaissance.
Lastly revisits again - i went to coffee hour for the first time yesterday. it was fun talking to the people i got to chat with, eating cheese and crackers, chocolate and veggies and dip. yum. i hope to be able to go again before the end of semester. maybe i will quit working at triple five. who knows?

i am okay. i am in some pain and coughing a little, but it is mostly schoolwork that has been keeping me from blogging. i am at work now and we got in later, so i need to get my groove on, but i wanted to let all the worry-warts out there know that i am alive and kicking. I promise to post for real tomorrow as i am spending the day at home to do homework, etc. there should be plenty of time.
the big news has been...people are stupid. yup. working the election confirmed that. i will probably explain that rant more thoroughly tomorrow...so keep checking for updates. bye for now my lovelies.

i do not like to post more than once a day, so i figure by posting now, i will avert my desire to blog instead of writing the paper i am currently supposed to be writing.
watched the transporter 2 last night with steve. it was so bad it was funny. that an average joe is supposed to be that fantastic is incredible. spiderman maybe, but not a mercenary. gimme a break.
i have already done some reading for my history of the roman empire class (test wednesday), laundry and wrapped me Dad's present (it's his birthday today). i am not going to break for lunch until this paper is done and satisfactory. it could be a while. i do not even have an outline yet. i need an outline.
i am currently listening to instrumental jazz (coltrane and ellington). it is supposed to be motivating. i am not sure as to it's efficacity.

ok. so. i am sitting at home nice and calmly after being beaten by my Dad at chess and i say to myself, "self, you know you will end up watching the last two episodes of the Gilmore Girls Season IV anyways over the week-end, so you might as well get it over with now instead of pining for a day and a half before giving in..." bad idea. i have now been thrown from the incredible high of "this is the best way to end a season, i will so be able to finish my homework on this glorious, optimistic high" to "aaaaarrrrrggggggg!!!!"
great. i am doomed. this is lisa's fault. she should not have told me it was a good season and that i should watch it. veronica is also culpable. damn you all, you gilmore girls lovers.
on another angst-filled rant, my body has apparently reverted back to that of a 14 year old's since i have switched from depo-provera to the pill. i have broken out, my hair is oily and i can smell myself. i mean, do you remember in high school when everyone went around wondering if you could smell them, because they could smell themselves? i had forgotten about that stage. i thought i smelt a little like caramel today, which would have been okay if it had been related to a skin product or something, but NO!!! i just smelt like caramel. it wasn't cool. plus, i have sprained my ankle, limping has caused my knee to begin hurting again, and i feel fat. in other words...i am not attractive. please do not tell me how gorgeous i am bryan in response to that. it is all about how you feel inside and i feel yicky.
ok. enough of that. i must get work done...i must, i must, i must increase my bust...whoa, wrong mantra....another revision to being 14 again (oh wait, i still don't have any boobs....hmmmm....maybe i gave up too soon). do i sound like i am losing my mind, because i am losing my mind. i should not be permitted this whole stream of conciousness bit. this is what happens. i need to stop. i should stop. but i can't. i just keep going and going and going (how many times will i write going? will it ever end?)
*reflective pause*
Lisa: if that were a monologue, could you perform it? you should try, i would love to see you do me. the whole "i'm heather bit." it would be great. wait. i don't have a sense of humour. i would be crushed. scratch that idea.
i'm hungry. my tummy is rumbling. that might be because for dinner i had yellow beans, a fruit cup and two cups of tea. i am on a diet remember. plus, the other alternative was soup, but i didn't feel like it.
we had good food at lunch today. it was kim's last day before maternity leave. i added the 2nd half of the title of this blog halfway through the previous sentence. if only i could channel this energy into something constructive. but no, it is doomed to be wasted. like my youth, my good looks, my brains (do i even have the two)?
apparently the bank doesn't think i am good for a $20, 000 line of credit, even if it is to study abroad. If i were in a (check this) TECHNICAL PROGRAM i would be. WHAT? if i were paying an exorbant sum to be a blue-collar worker in Quebec you would lend me 2K, but do get a masters and phd from a university like oxford, i obviously won't ever be able to pay that back as well as, say, a car mechanic. there is no respect in this place for higher learning. the woman at the bank i spoke to on the phone didn't even know what 'classics' were. may she rot in hell.
i feel better now.

So, i told a woman to shut up because she was stupid at election training last night. how much do you want to be she will be the person at the table with me? cool thing is that my parents can bring me in food for dinner. awesome. or maybe i will make my brother bring me something. i do not like brown bagging 2 meals in one day. it is too monotonous.
i still have 1 1/2 articles and 1 1/2 books to read before planning out my oral tomorrow. i may go in with me Dad instead of me Mum for the extra hour in the morning. will depend what time i fall asleep.
i have hurt my ankle and hence have not been going to Cardio class. next week i will go whether it is better or not because i have now missed 3 and want to get my money's worse.
I went shopping today. Boought Merav, my Dad's and part of Steve's birthday present. I love Zellers except, shocker here, they don't take American Express.
Hmmm...i just remembered that i have a clementine in my bag. Cool. I also bought coffee for the lounge at the LAC. Yum. Can't eat fruit and type simultaneously. Will post tomorrow most likely. if not you will have to wait until Friday. Cope dearests.

I know some of you were worried. No need.
Unfortunately, i have been recovering from the emotional episode last week. This has meant a lot of sleeping and not a lot of homework doing. Hopefully i will be okay for my oral on Thursday.
I am posting in class, yet again. My professor was late again, but he is not reiterating all last class. That's a good start.
My Cardio Plus class was cancelled today. Meaning i never took a shower and got changed after class. I am now stuck in stained jogging pants and a Pooh pro-Israeli t-shirt. Probably better that i didn't go outside with wet hair today considering it's -30 outside. I love how in Montreal that isn't a exaggeration.
I ate too much this weekend. Crepes, paella and St-Hubert BBQ. It was yummy though. i also got running shoes for my class from my Mom.
Tomorrow is my training for the election.
Okay, i cannot blog, take notes and run two MSN conversations simultaneously. Maybe later or tomorrow.

ain't it great to be crazy? boom boom ain't it great to be crazy? Silly and foolish all day long...boom boom ain't it great to be...CRAZY.
So, my parents are now aware of the amount i am losing my mind. wednesday night's talk degraded quickly into be bawling my eyes out. An attempt is going to be made for me not to have to work next semester. It will be a group effort of my trying to get a very well paying job over the summer and their trying to cut expenses to be able to pay for more of my expenses (like books).
Steve is currently here putting down a new floor in the entryway. I am supposed to be doing homework, but after 10 pages of Burckhardt i tried to take a nap. After Steve fell through the ceiling in the basement (what a rude way to be awakened!) i have made myself a cup of coffee/hot chocolate and am trying to get back into the groove of things.
Last night we watched the Godfather Part II and Maurice Richard. The latter was very good. The only problem was that, in a tale of French-Canadians overcoming oppression, which i recognize was the case in the 40s and 50s, they used passe simple in the subtitles and captions. passe simple? have the writers never heard of Michel Tremblay? Of verity of expression? No one uses passe simple! I was a little appalled at this out-dated, France oriented convention cropping up in an otherwise uplifting movie of triumph by a minority. Oh well, it can't be perfect.
okay, i will return to readings. i have a seminar to prepare to give on Thursday and a paper due the monday because i get an extra week-end since i am the one giving the talk on Thursday. Lucky. I also have another 13 lines of the Aeneid and over 100 pages of Violence and Disorder in the Late Medieval Era to read. I had better get cracking. I am going with my Mum to buy some running shoes for my cardio class.
Oh, and i have figured out why i am so much less productive than i was in CEGEP...i am having too much fun. Living the life of the ascetic is more conducive to the academic life. i am working on returning to that "no fun" mantra. notice that i was unsuccessful because i permitted myself a nap this afternoon. oh well.

but this time it's mine. it's now half an hour into class and the professor has only just begun covering material that he didn't already go over in deep detail last time.
the military history guy (AND HE'S AT CONCORDIA?!) is in this class. Ugh.
i am supposed to be going home tonight to talk over what is happening with my parents. i don't know what/when is going on. it's the job that is posing the most of the problem. i am slowly getting used to having been thrown out. i am not sure it is even a good idea to go back. all the people who live on their own seem to feel i should flee the negative situation if it is affecting my grades, which it is, while those who are still at home seem to feel i should make an effort to work through it. i have a proposed middle ground: moving out after this semester when i have some money behind me.
better news: i am going to be working the election. i need to be at a training session on the 17th in Terrebonne at 18h45. This will mean leaving a class i look forward to early. oh well.
If you are interested in an odd historical character, look up SULLA on wikipedia.org. he is quite a card. possibly unlimited power given over freely.
That's enough for now. Until last night this post was going to be about why i am going to hell, maybe inspiration will strike again in the future.

i am sitting in Prof. Gittes' class on Inferno. I should be paying more attention. However, i had a pretty okay idea on the metro this morning about how snow is different for us non-urbanites.
Snow is quietness. It is a complete and total quietness created by the muffling. This barrier between yourself and the rest of the world is only heightened by the intensity of snow's colour. What else is that white? What else that stark, that bright, yet blocking out all other sights? Lying in freshly fallen snow is like lying awake at night in the complete stillness of a dark house surrounded by warm covers. Snow is somehow warm and cold simultaneously. It is also both permanent and transitory. It can take hours to shovel out a driveway, yet all that work will disappear when on it's own. it's only water, right?
The best part of a snowy day is the quiet. This quiet permits an intenseness of feeling. As a child, did you not feel like the only people on the planet when playing in the vast white wasteland? Snow is malleable. Peals of laughter are louder, brighter and more resonant on a snowy day.
Well, that wasn't successful. I shouldn't try to blog and take notes on class at the same time.
I will share something a little more amusing. The motto written on my LATIN dictionary is: The Foremost Authority on the Language of TODAY.

Damn you Lisa! Those strawberry turn-overs were too good. How was i to resist? And now i am feeling guilty about it. Watching the Cinderella Special Features was fun. The Aristocats was better.
My Dad has said he will pay to get my car fixed. This is good because i did not have the money. I am so fed-up with that goddamn car! I am convinced it hates me. Now i am stuck at home waiting for someone to give me a lift. It works just enough to give me a taste for the independence it provides. Ugh. On a more cheerful note, pushing it up our inclined driverway last night probably counted as exercise.
I am only half-way through Burckhardt and i absolutely wanted to be done by the end of the week-end. Not a good start. I did make the Linguine though (too much pasta in the pasta-sauce ratio makes for tastelessness - better luck next time) and two types of soup. Meaning i am provisioned for the entire week.
I cannot decide whether or not to go to the Dante lecture on Wednesday. I cannot go to the Thursday morning one because of work. I do not particularly feel like being stuck in town all evening Wednesday, but the lecture might actually be interesting. I still have two days to decide though.
The highlight of last night was sorting through 45 flavours of Jelly Bellys trying to figure out which was which. It was great. So unacademic, so mindless, so pointless, so instantly gratifying when you were right. I loved it.
Well, i had better go comb my hair or else it will dry all matted. I had also better go finish up some more work before Steve calls. At least he will be happy that with my Dad paying for the repairs i will be able to lend him the money for his car payment as planned.

Today is about getting lots of schoolwork done. It is also about making soup. Lots of soup. And pasta for dinner for the whole family.
I did some research into the cabbage soup diet. It is essentially the diet i went on in CEGEP and lost 30 lbs with, except i didn't restrict myself to cabbage soup, but at all types of soup. I guess i will be going back to the same.
Last night i watched many episodes of Season 4 of the Gilmore Girls with My Mum and Dad. It was fun. I could not fall asleep afterwards however, as all i could think about what food. I should not plan on cooking at the same time as i am attempting to diet.
Thursday night was fun. I got way too hammered on 2 Southern Comforts and Ginger Ale. I ended up yelling at Steve. Yup yup. fun time.
On another note. Sandra keeps calling me. She just signed in to MSN and is already bothering me. She wants to do something today - but today is cooking and schoolwork. Not eating or hanging out with Sandra.
Yesterday we went to Walmart. I bought watch batteries, nylons and camisoles as well as soap for Steve. Exciting i know. I have Latin and Italian Renaissance homework to do. I am going to work on the Latin, then make cream of carrot soup, then read some, then go grocery shopping, then read some more. i need to eat lunch somewhere in there.
this is possibly the most scattered entry i have ever accomplished. i am all over the place. maybe i will do a better post this evening after hanging out with Lisa.

well, the big news for today is that my Dad is finally going to be putting my grandparents in a home. Apparently my grandfather has not given my grandmother a break from the screaming since New Year's Day. Saturday my uncle is coming down. There will be tears. More than there were today in the office when my Dad called my uncle about it.
other news, i am considering going on the cabbage diet.
more other news, my latin class is going to be awesome. i am really looking forward to it. right now is one of the other courses i have been looking forward to.

and not just for the last post. Try this for yourself...
here
Level 8- the Malebolge
Many and varied sinners suffer eternally in the multi-leveled Malebolge, an ampitheatre-shapped pit of despair Wholly of stone and of an iron colour: Those guilty of fraudulence and malice; the seducers and pimps, who are whipped by horned demons; the hypocrites, who struggle to walk in lead-lined cloaks; the barraters, who are ducked in boiling pitch by demons known as the Malebranche. The simonists, wedged into stone holes, and whose feet are licked by flames, kick and writhe desperately. The magicians, diviners, fortune tellers, and panderers are all here, as are the thieves. Some wallow in human excrement. Serpents writhe and wrap around men, sometimes fusing into each other. Bodies are torn apart. When you arrive, you will want to put your hands over your ears because of the lamentations of the sinners here, who are afflicted with scabs like leprosy, and lay sick on the ground, furiously scratching their skin off with their nails. Indeed, justice divine doth smite them with its hammer.

This past year has been one of many lessons learned. Primarily, that trying to be nice to people does not work out. Now, i know that sounds cynical - but you will remember that is also the title of this whole blog "The Idealist's Downward Spiral into Cynicism." This is actually the first entry on this particular theme.
In June i stupidly said yes to going out with Sandra for an ice cream cone one weekend. She had invited me to do something at least 7 times before. Sandra is mildly handicapped. Like a 12 year-old. We finally went out another 4 weeks later. I was dragging my feet. It wasn't that bad. Then, she invited me to her birthday party three weeks before the big day: a murder mystery whom no one else i knew was attending. There has been a post about this. It was actually surprisingly not painful. She now continues to call every couple of weeks. She says she hopes i will not be like all her "other" friends who always ditch her. I do not have time for this. I do not see my grandmothers, my parents, my friends or even Steve enough, let alone actually commit enough time to school. She does not get the point. That will teach me.
A similar incident. During the summer, i received a pamphlet from the Council of Canadians regarding Water Rights in Canada. I decided to investigate their organization. They meet at Concordia the first Wednesday of every month and are a very leftist (but not so far as to be communist) group. I like their platforms, so i went to a meeting. It was filled with 7 elderly socialists. Apparently, some of the larger chapters are actually semi-effectual, but head office dictates a lot of policies. Not my cup of tea. I continue to receive emails from the members on a regular basis inviting me to meetings, wishing me well, etc. Will they ever get the point? I recount a load of bullshit about other obligations (ok, they are actually true, but i am heaping it on), but they won't let up.
So, despite my general dislike for New Years and any resolutions: I resolve to not be so nice to wounded birds/organizations in this upcoming year. Truer to my cranky self i will be. Hopefully this will permit me to devote more time to be nicer to those i either love or must live with (like you darlings, and the ever present in-laws).

Today i was stuck at reception all day. there were almost no phone calls too because all the retailers were closed. it was so boring i thought i was going to die. i also somehow became a random lady's babysitter because it was apparently bring your kid in to work day, but only she chose to participate (note the sarcasm).
i watched two episodes of gilmore girls and cleaned a third of my massive desk in preparation for returning to school on wedn. i also intend to read a little before bed.
i couldn't sleep last night. worried about all the crap i guess. hopefully tonight will be better. my desk at work is a mess though. ugh. i couldn't get anything done from reception. ok. to sleep.

i received three phone calls today on my cell phone while i was at Steve's family for the holiday. This has led me to finally engage in a much dreamed of rant against people's obsession with cellphone usage.
People are not available for anyone and everyone 24/7. That i have a cellphone does not oblige me to turn it on, answer it or check my messages. a cellular phone is supposed to be a convenience for the person paying the bill for said apparatus. hence, please call me at my HOME first. This is aimed directly at Lisa, but i also know since i mentioned this problem once before she has taken to calling me at home first as per my request - thank you. Steve also suffers from this problem. Unless you have reason to believe i am out, call home first. i do not screen my calls. i do however, very frequently, just let my cell phone ring because i am too tired to go answer it. half the time it is a wrong number, and another third of the time, i am going to tell the person i am busy (hence why i am not at home) and i will call them back at a later time/date.
My biggest issues with cell phones have to do with the messages people leave and the inappropriateness of answering them sometimes. Some people (i.e. Steve and my father) feel that my voicemail box is a place to rant about how if i am not going to answer the phone, why do i keep it. this refers to the above - a convenience for the payer of the biller, not the rest of the world comment. when leaving a message on someone's cell phone, if the message is day/time specific, pls let the person know when you are calling. "hi, it's me, give me a call" doesn't let me know if you called within the last hour since i last spoke to you, or this is a message from BEFORE you called me at home. Since i don't know what these messages mean they always get erased.
Lastly, when in a deep conversation, eating, or engaging in other bodily functions (showers, shaving, sex...) do not answer the phone. the person will call back if it is important. they will leave a message. nothing makes you feel worse than being put on hold. if i receive a second call in a five minute span, i answer the second one assuming the worst has happened (i.e. someone is in the hospital or needs my help immediately). if it isn't important enough for them to call back...it wasn't important enough to put another person on hold.
I think this need for our friends and family to be constantly available is a sign of some deep sense of insecurity about ourselves. if we aren't plugged in all the time, will the person stop caring? of course not. and obviously i am willing to be pretty technologically savvy and post much of my personal life into cyberspace for the entire world to see.
So, if you're wondering why i don't answer your phone call: i only turn my phone's ringer on when i am expecting a call. otherwise, i only use it for outgoing calls. if the plan is for you to call me at a certain time, i am available. otherwise, leave a message. i might be taking a nap.

On a different note: New Years Eve was okay. I still say it's a stupid holiday. What the hell are we celebrating exactly? Spent some time with Steve's cousin again. Steve was seriously ill from mixing bloody caesars and red wine. he probably gave himself a concussion from hitting the floor three times in a span of ten minutes. he was very apologetic. i know these things happen - it was more the mess he room was in before he was sick all over the place that bothered me. i had to clean that up too of course, to get at the mess. oh well. working tomorrow all day...tuesday too. am going to bed soon. i have a cuddly cat. that rocks.