I had a very nice time Saturday. Sunday sucked as Steve and i spent the whole day fighting, but what can you do?

I reflected on how nice it is to hang out with people who are generally more observant than the general population. Apparently, my conversation really reflected my desire this weekend to be kind of validated as an attractive creature and i kept having the same conversation over and over again with different people. the overall effect was me feeling better about myself. nice. originally this little blurb was going to be a bit of a reflection of how people can read other people's vibes if they just pay attention, but i don't feel up to it anymore.

on another note, and this one is more soul-bearing, yesterday with Steve was just so miserable that i don't know if i can take it anymore. i don't see why i have to validate the desire to spend time with my friends from school over the weekend just because there are guys involved. i do understand why it is upsetting for a significant other to be excluded from an activity. after much soul-searching i wonder how it is that we are still together. hard-headedness on both our parts i imagine. and because of car troubles and general money-worries he is on a binge of saying he wants to kill himself already...but how much of my being fed-up is actually my own inability to feel anything because of stress... i think the most upsetting element in this for me is the feeling cornered by his problems asides from our relationship and being prevented from making a decision. i am pretty sure i would not be considering breaking-up if i actually felt i could. but i can't. because i'm not that cruel. knowing you can't do something is just about the best way to find yourself contemplating if it might not be the "right" thing to do. i need a break from my life. i want to be needy and not the rock.

okay, that's enough dissing steve. it's horribly unfair as no one hears his side of the story, which i am sure is equally valid (if could stop my inner monologue long enough to actually hear it).

I am a little upset that no one gave me any contribution towards the gas purchased for car-pooling. i hope some people will step up to the plate and be responsible. as my dad says, if they don't it will just prove how horribly hypocritical left-wing students are...sharing the wealth is fine until it's your wealth...